(warning: this is a bit of a long post!)
I’m a rather messy and absent-minded person when it comes to my workshop. I’m getting better at organisation but it’s a slow process. It stems partly from having far too many ideas at once and not waiting to try each one out (and thus not always *putting things away* properly before I move onto the next project), and partly from not respecting my workspace as I should (being brutally honest, this is a self esteem issue, and I’m working on that too ^_^). Being a creative hurricane at these times can be exhilarating but I need to learn to temper it with some self-discipline.
A lot of my experiments don’t work terribly well. Some I scrap entirely, immediately, in shame; and some I salvage the parts that I thought looked good out of the disaster and put them in a selection of boxes and tins to be reused later.
You might have guessed that with my constant drive to try out ‘new’ stuff… I rarely come back to these boxes. I’ve been working this system for five years now so there’s rather a lot in there, and some of it’s getting pretty OLD – some of what I thought was reusable and good back then really doesn’t look the same to me now as my work has changed and evolved. Sometimes diving into the boxes is a revelation, but more and more lately it’s a reminder of the failures of previous work and poorly-thought-out projects (particularly as I tend to cannibalise the really good bits and leave the so-so behind – the average quality in the box can get worse over time).
I recognised yesterday that these have become little storehouses of regrets, and they’re all over my workspace!
I took the opportunity yesterday afternoon to start going through these boxes with a very critical eye. The aim is to keep what can *easily* be reused (any appropriately-sized pieces of sheet silver, plain silver discs, good sturdy headpins, wire big enough for ring shanks etc) and sell the rest for scrap, as now is a good time to be doing that with the skyrocketing price of silver. This has a three-fold purpose: recycling what I’m not using, ridding myself of regrets past so I don’t have to look at them anymore… and raising a bit of cash to pick up a few tools I’d like to try out. My hope was that the end result will be something that brings me joy rather than being a subtle reminder of the things I haven’t done well.
While I was pulling out these various little boxes and tins I also found a few little boxes, baggies and vials of wire offcuts and other bits and pieces that I used to save up for melting projects when I was starting out and beading more than smithing. Bonus! Into the scrap tray with those as well.
I have to say that the end result of my three hours’ work was a shock (net weight, but there’s still a weeny bit of copper and other stuff to pick out of one tray):
I set the scale tare with these boxes and trays empty...
This is a little more ‘regret’ than I’d expected to shed. Probably four times as much, and I’m not finished yet. Liberating!
I don’t think I’ll be spending it all on tools for myself, that’s a bit greedy. I think I’d like to put some of it toward funding local crafty events or holding some workshops or something of that sort – chances to create lasting and positive personal memories out of these little regrets.
If you have ideas for where I could go with this – July or later if possible, given my (very pregnant) personal circumstances – I’d love to hear from you! ^_^
Jenna ~
That’s the thing about experiments–most of them don’t turn out well. I suspect that Madame Curie didn’t get it right on the first try, and most scientists’ notations read “theory disproven.” That’s why we experiment, to find what works and what doesn’t.
Your “box full of regrets” seems to fill you with shame, and I have to say that surprises me. When I look at your work, if I keep in mind that everything in that box was necessary to lead you to where you are now, I for one am grateful for those “failed” experiments. An experiment never fails if it leads us to one that succeeds, and you’ve certainly managed that!
I think most artists have lots of unfinished work. My studio room is so full there’s no room in there to work! I go through my little baggies of half-finished (or less) pieces which I was inspired to do at one point, and then got inspired by something else and forgot all about them. Yep, I do that too. :) Bu rather than seeing those projects as failures, when I look at some of the work I did ten years ago, or five years ago, or even last year, I think, “wow, look how far I’ve come.” I’m a much better wire wrapper than I was even six months ago, and some of the projects I finished then I’ve taken apart to do again, only better this time. I think if you were to look back on those projects and NOT see growth, you should be worried. The fact that you see how far you’ve come should fill you with pride, not shame. :)
I’m not trying to tell you how to feel, I hope you realize that. I just think you’re being unnecessarily hard on yourself. The sheer amount of work you do is going to result in scrap and experiments that didn’t work the first time around, or even the second or third time. Painters have the luxury of painting over canvases; sculpters and potters can throw unsalvagable projects into the water bucket and start from scratch. We all do it. No artist has ever gotten it right the first time. It just doesn’t work that way. So the shame you feel in your “failures” is not only unnecessary but misplaced! When you look at the work you’ve done in the past and see those experiments that you deem failures, what you’re really looking at is how much better you are now. And that’s a good thing. :)
Incidentally, I don’t think it’s greedy to spend that money on yourself. It’s yours, you paid for it to start with. If you want to spend it on tools for yourself, do it. Besides, silver’s getting so expensive that if you don’t, you won’t be able to get more!
:)
Jenny
PS – it’s funny that I should read this today, as I just wrote a similarly themed note on my FB page. I think we all grapple with similar insecurities. :)